A Cold Road If Walked Alone

Hi Reader!

Today I want to emphasize the value of choosing to work with others—because I believe we are not meant to face our challenges alone.

There are so many people that can help us with every aspect of our lives, but many times we miss opportunities to help or receive help from others. Let’s look at different roles people have in our lives and how we can all give and receive to help each other in ways that matter.

Mentors

Mentors are experienced advisors who provide guidance, support, and wisdom to someone less experienced.

Receiving: I know it’s not easy, but I recommend finding a mentor for every aspect of your life that really matters to you. Because mentors are further along on the path you’re walking, they know where the wrong turns are. They can save you days, weeks, and maybe even years of walking down the wrong roads. I like to think of a potential mentor as anyone who is figuratively at least 5 steps ahead of you.

Giving: Many mentors get a lot of satisfaction from making a positive difference in their mentee’s lives. You can enhance this feeling by expressing your thanks verbally or in writing. At least one study has proven that writing a letter of thanks to a prior mentor also improves feelings of wellbeing for the writer—so you benefit here too! (You can find more information about the study in the book, The gratitude diaries by Janice Kaplan)

Peers

Peers are individuals who share similar characteristics, age, status, or interests with us. We often consider peers to be our equals.

Receiving: While they may not be 5 steps ahead like a mentor, your peers are struggling with a lot of the same issues you are—so they often have fresh perspectives and know the most current tricks to help with work, school, a hobby, etc. One of the best ways to get help from peers is to become their teammates and friends. When peers see each other this way, they unite in a common purpose and desire each others success.

Giving: Teammates give of their time and energy to help each other because they know games are never won by a single person. When you make sacrifices to help your peers, you may be surprised to discover some of them want to help you in return.

Delegates

Delegates are people to whom a task or responsibility is entrusted.

Receiving: If you are in a position of leadership, my advice is to delegate as much as you safely can because this frees you up to focus on the big picture and tasks you are uniquely positioned to perform. Delegation is not only an action—it’s a skill. So you will have to learn who to delegate tasks to, how much direction to provide without removing people’s autonomy, and how to help delegates feel their contributions are meaningful and valued.

Giving: When delegates successfully accomplish assigned tasks, they will feel a sense of ownership and contribution—and this in turn leads to enhanced feelings of belonging and self-worth. If you do not delegate then you will not only burn yourself out and/or fail, but you will also deny others valuable opportunities to grow.

Worthy rivals

A worthy rival is a competitor who is better than you at certain things.

Receiving: Our rivals push us to work harder, reevaluate our approach, and learn from them in order to keep up with them. To receive from a worthy rival, don’t hold a grudge. Instead respect them, study them, and use their presence as motivation to become your best self. (And whatever you do, do not throw a bagel at them.)

Giving: The best way to help a worthy rival is by improving yourself. When you start rising above your competition, they have to work harder to stay in your league. Your presence may be important to them reaching their true potential.

If you want to learn more about the concept of worthy rivals, check out Simon Senik’s book, “The infinity game”.

Friends and family

Friends and family are our peers, mentors, worthy rivals, and supporters. Many parents are also the delegates of children in the preparation of a box of delectable Mac&Cheese.

Receiving: Friends and family can be incredible sources of support, and understanding these people can help you know who to turn to when a certain kind of help is needed. I have some friends and family I go to for advice, others I talk to when I want to feel accepted, and still others I chat with when I want to laugh. I always try to be the best friend I can be so I can keep these amazing people in my life.

Giving: Having a good friend is one of the best gifts anyone can have.

God

God is the father of our spirits and has a vested interest in both our growth and our happiness (I’m writing this from a Christian perspective. If you have other beliefs, consider how these concepts can still apply to you).

Receiving: Do your best and leave the rest to God. He can mend anything broken in your life, and help you get everlasting peace and joy. Believing these things might be possible is called faith. Faith in God leads to hope for the future, and hope lead to proactivity in your life right now. You can start getting faith and hope by praying to God and seeing if he answers your prayer somehow.

Giving: God helps us because he wants to. Accepting his help when it comes is the polite thing to do. Being grateful for that help puts the icing on the cake, and being kind to the rest of God’s children (everyone else around us) is like… uhm… putting icing on 20 cakes. I’m pretty sure liking cake is a godly attribute we’ve all inherited…

Wrapping up (had to throw in a December pun)

Can you see the loss for both us and others when we don’t proactively create and maintain relationships? This matters a lot, and if you haven’t realized already—all of this is networking. The word “networking” may give some people a bad taste in their mouth, but I find it helpful to remember that we don’t always have to be pursuing our own agenda when we interact with people. We can choose instead to make networking (i.e connecting with others) a way to help people in ways that matter.

​

Thanks for reading, and we’ll see you next week! Keep your dream life in sight!

-Nate

​

Ps. I’d love to hear your thoughts! Reply to this email if you know more roles I could have covered or if you have any further questions!