Ready, Mind-Set, Grow!

Hello Reader! Lot’s of examples and stories today so sit back, relax, and enjoy!

Let’s defy the odds

Have you ever felt like life dealt you, or someone you care about, a bad hand of cards?

Imperfect family, didn’t grow up in a good neighborhood, plagued with unexpected bills, health is a constant struggle, somehow missed out on the face and body of a supermodel, relationships have been a nightmare. Any of that sound familiar?

Today I’m going to share a mindset that can enhance your ability to thrive in challenging circumstances and help others who are struggling.

The growth mindset

You may have heard about the growth mindset—the belief that people can develop their abilities, character, etc.

I knew about the concept before I read Professor Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset. What I didn’t know is that the growth mindset has a lot more implications than improving sports, academics, and workplace performance. The growth mindset can improve virtually every aspect of our lives.

• Relationships
• Money
• Soft skills
• Addiction
• Physical and mental health
• Spirituality
• And much, much more

How the impossible can become possible

Before 1954 people thought no one could ever run a mile in under 4 minutes, but after Roger Bannister did the impossible, people all over the world began doing the same thing. Now more than 1500 athletes including high schoolers have run a mile in under 4 minutes. The turning point was a change in what people believed possible.

Personal experience: the growth mindset in my life

Over the years I’ve seen over and over the value of believing in myself—and giving my all even when I don’t believe in myself.

Earlier this year I participated in a community musical performance with a choir and full orchestra. I auditioned for a character with a solo I believed I might have a chance at. I very briefly considered the lead role, but I wasn’t interested because I knew it was far beyond my ability.

After auditions I was disappointed to hear I did not get the solo I wanted. However, I was asked to sing as an understudy for the lead role (for practices only) since the incredible singer who got the lead wouldn’t be able to make it to most of the rehearsals.

I had no confidence I would do a good job, so imagine my surprise when people complemented me during practices. At first I thought they were only being nice (they probably were at first haha), but over time I started to believe them and I began pouring my heart into practice. At our last rehearsal I sang the lead solo all the way through with a mic and full orchestra. I felt I had reached a level of singing I never had before. In a way, it was my musical four minute mile—attested to by several more unsolicited compliments from people I still believe more musically talented than myself.

What limiting beliefs about yourself or your circumstances are keeping you from reaching your potential?

The fixed mindset

Have you ever met someone who feels they have to prove everyday how smart and talented they are? Maybe you even know someone who laughs at or criticizes others to feel good about themselves. It’s very likely these people have a bias for the fixed mindset— the belief that people’s abilities and character will not or cannot change.

One of the dangerous problems with the fixed mindset is that it keeps people from trying to improve. The fixed mindset says people are either good at something or they aren’t. They are pretty or they aren’t. They are mature or they aren’t. Can you see why excuses run rampant for those who have a fixed mindset? An athlete who believes herself talented will blame the wind, unfair referees, teammates, and anything else she can think of to justify her poor performance. A secretary who can’t stay organized isn’t at fault—the problem is all the people interrupting him throughout the day. When someone with a fixed mindset fails, they will say they were either unlucky or never should have been expected to be capable of succeeding.

Personal experience: The fixed mindset in my life

I’ve struggled for a long time with vulnerability and not feeling understood. I imagined people would always prefer talking about themself over learning about me so I felt it was selfish to talk about myself. I believed almost no one understood me even if they had known me a long time. In the back of my mind I think I also worried, “if no one can understand me then maybe I can’t understand them either…” These beliefs affected my ability to trust, and I wondered if I could have empathy and be there for people I care about since I could never fully understand them. I actually still struggle with some of these beliefs. But I now know these thoughts are dictated by “fixed mindset” Nate.

Let’s look at the exact same situation with a growth perspective.

Friendships can grow, and sharing my own experiences, thoughts, and opinions helps people to understand me bit by bit over time—even if I’m not talking about myself every conversation. As my connections deepen, people will become interested to learn more about me. I can come to understand and trust them better as we both become more comfortable sharing our stories with each other.

It’s true I’ll never understand perfectly what other people have gone through, but understanding isn’t an on/off switch. It’s more like a light that can get brighter or dimmer. By seeking to understand my friends and family I can increase my level of comprehension which also increases my ability to be there for them.

How do I know when I have a growth mindset?

The truth is all of us have a mixture of “growth” and “fixed” attitudes about different aspects of our life. But you will know you have a growth mindset when you start acting on the belief that you can do something to improve your situation by at least 1%—no matter how your situation looks right now, no matter what it has looked like in the past, and no matter what anyone else believes.

Using the growth mindset to help others

Our ability to help others can also be developed. You may have seen a diagram like the following that shows what is in your control and what is out of your control.

This diagram helps us see the need to stop worrying about things we cannot control (traffic, global news, the reactions of other people, etc). What we often forget is that we can grow our circle of influence until it encompasses the people we care about. The more skills you develop, and the more people you develop relationships with (networking), the larger your circle of influence will become.

We can also help others by guiding them to a growth mindset. There are more opportunities in our everyday conversations than you would expect! If you want to learn more about this I highly recommend Dweck’s book, Mindset. Or if you still aren’t sure you can take a look at the following TED talk by the author!

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A growth minded world

The growth mindset also plays a valuable role in helping us accomplish our Dream Life Insight community vision together. We’re creating a world where everyone feels seen, accepted, and loved, and one critical aspect of feeling seen is feeling believed in.

Without a growth mindset, we cannot accurately see other people’s potential. Fixed mindset parents, teachers, and friends will make quick judgements that ignore the ability to improve. These judgements can lead to limiting beliefs for all involved.

The world we are creating exists without these painful and unasked for limitations. In this new future, people frequently surprise one another and themselves with their accomplishments, they have greater self-confidence, and they love the lives they have created for themselves one incremental step at a time.

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Keep your dream life in sight!

- Nate